A Goal with No Plan is just a Wish

Goals come in all shapes and sizes! Goals mean different things to each of us. They can be short term or long term or ongoing. They could be centered around a specific relationship, your habits, health, finances or family...  Goals rely on your level of commitment to see it through. 

10 years (and what seems like a lifetime ago) I used this platform to write down my feelings and track a personal goal of becoming a runner. It was a therapeutic way to document the process, fuel my love for writing while leaving myself vulnerable as I shared the highs and lows and everything that was thrown at me during that time of my life. I am so glad I recorded my feelings because as silly as it may sound, I randomly look back at some of those entries to use the "Divina in the Past" to inspire the "Divina of the Future".

A couple months ago, I found myself reflecting and reading some of those blog posts I wrote so long ago. And where yes, my life is in a completely different stage, reading my words took me back to The Beginning.  The beginning of setting a goal, no matter how far out of reach I thought it was!  I also noticed how those words on the screen made me miss writing down the inner dialogue which most times translated into a mix of emotions, memories and stories.  

Today my story starts about 6 weeks ago.  Summer was coming to a close, and I had the desire to start fresh, just like my kids were doing with going back to school.  Since conversations surrounded about them and their goals as they entered 8th and 10th grade, I thought to myself "why shouldn't I be thinking about making some changes I've wanted to do for a while now?"

I guess this is the point where I peel the mask off and become vulnerable. This is where I share that for a while now, looking at myself in the mirror has been difficult at times.  I have been more aware of the signs of aging, weight gain, sleep habits, the stress of raising two teenagers and the way I felt in the morning after the bad choices I may have made the night before.  6 weeks ago I was ready to make a change and promised myself that I would head into the new "Back to School Season" with a different mindset. I wanted to go into the September month with a plan, and started to think about just one goal, one change that I could make in my daily life that I would benefit from. I had been thinking about this for a while now and I came to the conclusion that the first goal I tackled would be to change my relationship with alcohol. To put boundaries around it because not only was I using it as a crutch to numb the things I didn't want to experience or accept at times, it also seemed to be involved in my daily activities.  A drink at the family dinner table turned into a few on the couch while watching TV, that lead to eating things late night and a headache/exhaustion in the morning.  A healthy change was needed, and so I decided to refrain from drinking alcohol for the month and see what other positive things came from this.  Even if it was to celebrate the fact that "Sober September" could happen! 

I started sharing my feelings with my husband during August. I proposed this goal to my husband, and was excited that he wanted as well wanted to jump on the bandwagon with me. We’ve proven in the past that when we are on the same page about something, the more successful we are at seeing it come to fruition.

September was going to be the first month, the first step, into paving the way for new goals in the coming months. 

As I reflect on last month today, October 1, I am filled with momentum to keep going. I’m recognizing that I don’t need alcohol in every social interaction, the dinner table or even at a bar or party at a friends house. I'm in charge of the choices I make and changing my mindset doesn't mean that I'm sacrificing being part of an experience. The past 4 weeks have looked a little different, too.  I've seen how projects that have been on our "To-Do list" are getting done on a Sunday during football when the Bills aren't playing, a decrease in late-night eating frenzies, more restful mornings and it doesn't hurt that I'm down some LB's!

So, as I sit here, with that inner voice running wild, I come back to my trusted forum to reflect, write, and hopefully continue to be someone that "Divina of the Future" will get inspired from. Here's to a new beginning.  What moves me today?  The Goal of having GOALS!  As I sit look ahead and plan for October, I’m filled with excitement to see where next month will take me. Will you join me? I challenge YOU to set up one goal for this month -big or small as it is.  Who knows what effect(s) it will have on you in a positive way?

The best dog

"Everyone thinks they have the best dog and none of them are wrong."

A close friend recently told me this quote in leau of National Dog Day this past Monday.

It resonated with me, especially since over the past month my husband and I have seen a decline in Guster's health. And it got way worse over the past 48 hours.  It was inevitable on the course we were about to head down.  To us, he was more than just the best dog, but again.. isn't that's how it should be?

James and I got married a little over 13 years ago.  3 months later Guster joined our family.  I remember sitting on the steps inside our former home, watching this approximately 5 week old pup scurry around our hardwood floors as James and I threw out names on what to call this crazy brown hurricane. We both love the band Guster, and perhaps a song of theirs was playing at the time. He had so much energy.  He also had what we thought was an oil stain on his back, and we bought a handful of expensive shampoos to try and wash it out. But when this black brindle spot started to grow with him, we realized this was just something extra special that made him unique, while offering a funny story to tell.  People who know me, know I like to tell stories.

Guster was a very strong willed lab-pit-boxer-mut mix. At 8-weeks, it took two grown adults kneeling on him so he could submit during a puppy preschool class. He was spunky and poor James lost a lot of his belongings to his aggressive jaw and puppy bite. He never tore anything of mine.  And in fact prior to buying any toys for him, you'd see me use force to bend, rip or break the select few that I thought could withstand my efforts in the pet store aisle before going to the checkout.  Kongs were his favorite, especially the Frisbee kong.

Guster fit in well with us newlyweds and gave us so much adventure. Hiking, camping, swimming in Corbets Glen and walking down the canal path to watch the sun set were some of his favorites.  Our favorites. His smile was the best when he got running at top speeds, while his jowls just flapped in the wind.
He met James and I when we were in our prime.  Young newlyweds that turned into parents eager to see life's next milestone. He watched us grow into the people we are today.

 He was the first to know I was pregnant with Madelyn. He sat on my feet in the bathroom while getting ready for work 3 weeks before I found out the conventional way.  He welcomed Madelyn as if she was part of the tribe from the very beginning. Probably relieved to find out why I was changing and growing over the past 9 months. When it was Elijah's turn, he probably thought to himself, "Here we go again".  He cared for those two and immediately accepted his new promoted "protector status".  You'd often find him sitting closer to me on the nights when James was out, or impatiently pacing next to a screaming baby as he tried to get my attention to fix the current situation.  One time he was even able to be there for my father when waking up my mother to alert that dad was having a low sugar attack during the night.

He always knew what we needed, when we needed it.  But that's what everyone who has ever owned a dog or pet understands.  It's that unspoken language and sense of "knowing" that it too powerful for words.  It's just there.

Guster was loved by many and met so many people during the past 13 years. Friends and family that were timid about dogs, or didn't like dogs, said Guster was the exception.  He loved back without question.  When we needed him, he was there.  When he needed us, especially in his final hours, we were there. He told me with his eyes, twice.  And while sitting alone with him after the kids said their final goodbye, Guster took a huge breath and his head collapsed in my hands.  He was ready and a sense of peace and calm fell across the room.
We will always remember you, Guster Buster Brown and can't thank you for being such an amazing dog.  You were the BEST!

Frost Town Trail Fest

Challenging morning! 10k in a beautiful park that evoked so many emotions. Happy, playful, complete confusion, anger, failure, utter sadness, fun loving, hopeless and grateful. Had I known what I know now I would have told Kim "HELL NO" when she asked if I was interested in doing 6ish miles amongst the trees on a Saturday that ended in a beer fest. But, all kidding aside, I feel empowered that I crossed the finish line. (And yes, proudly wearing my blue-I-can-do-anything cape).

I don't care about my pace, or time, and who finished before or after me. It was a huge accomplishment that I will embrace.

Thanks to Jason Mraz and his 'Selection for Friends' on shuffle. He got me through previously said emotions and allowed me to play in the MASSIVE MUD and feel free while I wasn't cursing.... dreading the mileage my watch displayed... or yelling "I'm so over this". It was a challenge. I came. I saw. I crossed that finish line. I drank beer. Oh, and I saw the look on my husband's face of encouragement as him and his cute butt passed me on the trail giving me the reminder that we were all on this adventure together.

#runningchangeseverything #iworemybluecape

A Little Work

It's been a while.  And I think I've started this blog post 17 different ways in my head, not to count the few here and there "I'm back" random thoughts and writings I've jotted down in the past two years that I didn't pull the trigger on.

See, I wanted to start "back up" and be that person I started to admire when reading her posts about learning how to run and setting goals and making them happen... but I got so distracted. I got lost, discouraged and then distracted again. For the past 6 months, I've put on a good act about saying how I'm trying to "get back", put that determined look on my face to head in that direction... and then slowly fizzled.

Well, here's the moment of truth. Here I stand, wanting to be the person I was 3 years ago, or at least find the fire that was once there.  The person who crossed the finish line of her first half marathon.  The person who was driven and didn't give up when things were hard.  Someone who didn't let life get in the way and surely didn't back down from a challenge. I want to adopt a healthy and doable fitness plan and start training again.  Serious training.  

I want to cross that finish line once again of the 13.1 mile Flower City Half Marathon.  I have a plan, and even signed up for some cross training classes through the town of Webster.  I mapped out a spreadsheet of the miles I need to hit paired with 4 days of running each week for the next 14 weeks.

 In 3 days I turn another year older.  And I want so badly to make this a year where I start to peel back what I've added over the past 3 years. To make this year count more than I know that it can.  To just being more positive and look at stress differently. I want to feel more confident in my own skin and feel that I'm being the best I can be... as me.

Last week I took a class at Compass Cycle Studio and it lit something inside of me.  I have never taken a spin or cycle class in my life, and feel I that I walked into the Cadillac of all spin classes.  It was an unbelievable experience.  Lights remained off the entire 60 minutes and the instructor was illuminated by candles.  You were able to just pedal and get lost in your workout, and just... SWEAT IT OUT. 

To take this time for you to "do you" and only you. 

I did just that.  

I did what I could and was memorized at all the moves this instructor was guiding the class to do. Off the seat; on the seat; lean to the left, lean the right; pick up those weights in front of the bike and punch them in the air..... it was incredible. 

At one point of  the workout, our instructor Esther told us we were "climbing our last hill".  To turn our resistance up higher, keep pedaling and when it gets hard to closely listen to the lyrics of the song.  

It was very moving and {I truly believe} the exact push I needed.  Something that jump started the next journey and path I'm supposed to ride.

I left class fully aware that I have it in me to find that person I liked better 3 years ago.  

She's ready, and that couldn't move me anymore if I tried!

We all can use a little work...  

Cheers to what lies ahead!

You've got this!

Before starting the No Boundaries Program, the phrase "You've got this" never really had any meaning to me.  I rarely said it and when I was cheering on a friend or the hubby, I usually would say "Great Job, Keep it up, Looking strong".  Those were my go-to encouraging words to help offer support and to remind that person that I was there and proud of them for what they were doing.  

After the life changing event of becoming a runner, "You've got this" has now become so recognizable. I hear it way more often... or maybe I'm just more in tune when I hear it being used. I realize there is much more meaning behind it.  Maybe that's why it sticks out to me more often?!  I like hearing this phrase at a race especially when spectators say "You've got this" when their loved one passes by.  I know how hearing that can provide that added boost when it may feel like you can't go on any longer.  I see these three words used all the time, not just in sports, but in academics, in relationships and when there are challenges in life to overcome.

Last night these three words were present over and over and over in my brain... sometimes they even slipped out through breaths in a faint whisper when I needed my ears to actually hear them with sound.  I took on 3.45 miles in a pretty technical course at one of the prettiest parks in Rochester. Lucien Morin is known for it's single track of ups, downs, more ups, more downs and pretty scenic sights. Mother Nature blessed us with a pretty calm evening.(...although I would have liked a breeze during some of the pretty humid inclines.) I was afraid of injury, hated the feeling of being alone at times all while knowing I was proving something to myself.  At that point, no one else mattered. It didn't matter who was supporting or not supporting me... It was all on me to complete this task!  It was the first time meeting Lucien Morin.  I have heard stories about the terrain and was intimidated and excited all at the same time.  

My husband took on a pretty huge challenge this past Saturday and seeing him complete it was pretty spectacular. Up and down a mountain, twice, to claim 26.2 status for the second time.  Watching him do this, inspired me to try to catch a glimpse of what he see's on his runs and races. It was the fuel in my fire.  I didn't know if I was even ready for this feat, but I needed to try.  I needed to see where I was, how I matched up... to no one by myself. Lately I have been feeling the need to start gauging what I can do and am capable of and couldn't think of a better way to do it.

Last night showed me that sometimes you have to be your biggest supporter to get the job done, or at least put yourself out there to see what you can truly do. Last night I was there among friends, but I was alone in my thoughts.... feeding off that repetitive phrase I kept saying over and over: 

You've got this!

When crossing that finish line, un-injured with such a fight in my heart I realized that "I did (effectively) get that"... or however the English language would like me to phrase it. And that's what moves  me today... even more than I thought it could.

My biggest problem is that I get all fired up after events like these and the excited emotions that follow that finish line.  I hope to stay in this light for a while and to keep pushing myself to higher challenges.  The goal is to not get bogged down with excuses that say I can't.  Because... I've got this. 

(And you do too... so go get out there and show yourself your ability!)

Thanks for reading!

Segahunda: My Relay Experience

I woke up yesterday ready! I was beyond excited to be part of a team that would collectively run 26.3 miles. We were in the trails of Letchworth State Park and the course elevation was insane.  Combined with roots, 90 degree weather and the humidity level, this sure was going to be a very interesting day! The buzz of this race started for me last year, when James took on the challenge of running this as a marathon. I'll never forget the feeling of him crossing that finish line and supporting him at each checkpoint.  The buzz in the air was amazing and I was stoked to actually be running it this time around.

Ralph started us out strong. He conquered that leg and everything that was thrown at him.  He came out of the woods with a smile on his face and set the tone for the rest of the day.  I'm so glad he was on our team. He knows the entire race route, and was key in helping us strategically place our runner order.  We had a conversation about the Segahunda race last fall, and it was that conversation that fueled my desire to do this relay race! I was honored to have Ralph be part of our team.

James ran the second leg. It was the longest in distance and would secure the chance that our team had enough time to finish the race before cut-off. James is two weeks away from his second trail marathon. He's in great shape.  He was actually supposed to run 12 miles yesterday (per his training plan) but he said "If I run a hard 9, it will be equivalent to the 12 in distance I need".  I'm sure he was eating those words during the 90 degree heat we endured yesterday!

After James, it was Pina's turn to carry the torch. I knew prior to the start that nerves were getting the best of her. 

She was a little shaky when we saw her at her first checkpoint, 2 miles in.  

After a quick pep-talk from the team (including a reminder of the flower in her hair, and the goal to go follow a guy with nice calves), she seemed way more confident to go back out in the woods.  We saw her again a little later and boy did she look AWESOME. A quick water break and piece of watermelon was all she needed and she went back in for the final part of her leg. And then, It was my turn!

As runner 4, I had the coolest job of crossing our timing bib through the finish line. I wasn't as nervous as I could have been. I previewed this course a few weeks ago. Even though I saw it in a different way, it held away many of the butterflies that would have been in my stomach.  Because I ran this route backwards during the preview, I had less elevation gain, not to mention there was no humidity and it wasn't the hottest day of the year.

As I stood there, waiting to see Pina float out from the wilderness I had so many things racing inside my mind. Did I drink enough water beforehand?  Did I eat enough? Did I have to pee again or was it just nerves? Were we going to see Pina smiling and strong or did a snake swallow her up whole and she'd be gone forever? Crazy-scared-excitement flew through my body and the moment I was waiting for all day was about to happen.  A light rain fell over us as clouds covered up that exhausting sun we'd been enduring all day.  It was a brief break for everyone I think... which felt calming and exactly what I needed.  Soon Pina flew out of the woods and I was off.

My leg started off downhill... and not to long into it, I noticed the "nervous pee feeling" was actually real. I went off the course for a few seconds, took care of that issue, and continued on. Rocks filled the center of this slope and it seemed easier to run on the side.  Watching others pass me up and down was pretty inspiring.  I was running right beside people doing the full marathon.  People ... who had been out there all day... experiencing these conditions and weather.

"Great Job" ..."You can do this"... filled the silence as runners passed by.   It was an awesome feeling watching the encouragement everyone had for one another. I was humbled when they returned those encouraging words back to me! Me... a runner that only had a small fraction of distance ahead... when they had been running 22+ miles already.  

When parts of my leg got tough, I looked around and took in the beautiful scenery. I tried to ignore the heat and the fact it took way longer to acclimate to it. I walked when I needed to and pushed myself to run more than I may have wanted to at times.  As I fought off the bugs and the negative thoughts, I reminded myself that this is one of the reasons why running is so crazy cool and I'm living through it right now.  

As a runner, you can only control so much.  You can follow a training plan. Run the distance you need to.  Eat right.  Get comfortable on whatever terrain is needed..etc... BUT, there is one thing you can't control. The environment. Whatever elements you are faced with on race day... are the elements you run in!

As I approached the gravel road up the hill, I tapped into the words Ralph told me right before I took off.  "Walk a few steps before, catch your breath and then run to the finish". And I did just that.  I saw that gravel road coming up to the end of the greenway.  I took one last breath and started the trek up the road.  Seeing my kids, James, Ralph, Pina and the rest of the friends in this awesome running community, felt AMAZING! I turned the corner and sprinted to the finish line. 

I couldn't have asked to on a better team! What a great day!

             

   

  

Learning the Trails: Day 1

There was something very familiar about last night as I walked into a room filled with people, all there with one common goal.  The goal to learn how to run trails safely and successfully. It took me back to that first day of No Boundaries where I had this idea of running and the goal was to prove that I probably wasn't a runner... but to just give it one last shot to see what would happen if I tried.

You've read about my attempts at trail running throughout the past year, so when this class was announced by Medved Running and Walking Outfitters, I was quite intrigued. The fear I have of injuring myself yet again, and frustration of not being a strong runner on the trails made taking this course an easy decision.

Tripping over roots and rocks? Struggling on hills? Lost your shoe in the mud? This might be the class for you.
Learning The Trails will cover:
-Why run trails? 
-Choosing a trail and trail safety
-Necessary gear
-Rocks, Roots, Logs, Mud, and other obstacles.  -Hills. Climbing and descending
-Trail running with groups and races
-Trail etiquette.  This FREE course is designed to improve your trail running and help keep you safe.

Based on that description, it was like this class was written for me, and for others that face the same obstacles when running on the trails! Since I have that Segahunda 4-mile relay route/race lurking in the midst, why not take advantage of getting some valuable knowledge and feeling way more prepared than ever? I need to fit trail training into my routine and make it an active part to be successful for Segahunda. Plus, it just happens to be on Monday nights where nothing really conflicts on the family calendar. Oh, AND it's FREE! The stars have aligned!

When I walked into Medved last night, I recognized a bunch of friends... friends that I've already shared some miles with... Friends that I've shared races with; conversations with; No Boundaries training with... (heck, even friends who I've poured pints for after the Thursday night Borough Runs.) It was a very positive feeling and added to my excitement to starting this 10 week course.  I need all the help I can get on trails, and from what I learned last night, this instructor is on a mission to teach what he knows.... and from the sounds of it, he knows a lot!

So, let this training adventure begin!  

In true fashion, I will document my struggles and triumphs here for your reading pleasure if you choose to follow. 

Let's do this!!!